Quantcast

Letter to a good friend

Makeuptalk.com - Makeup forums and reviews

Help Support Makeuptalk.com - Makeup forums and reviews:

Joined
Feb 12, 2005
Messages
28,176
Reaction score
3
Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

<script><!-- D(["mb","> >ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's

> >debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is

> >completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the

> >proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products,

aspirin)

> >prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor

with

> >a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way

interfere

> >with my daily activities.

> >

> >Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would

like

> >to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of

great

> >stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed

companion

> >when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my

pockets. In

> >order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review

my

> >grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an

answer

> >no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible

solutions &

> >hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

> >

> >Thank you,

> >Your biggest fan

> >

> >P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

> >1. Innovative

> >2. Preliminary

> >3. Proliferation

> >4. Cinnamon

> >

> >THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

> >1. Specificity

> >2. British Constitution

> >3. Passive-aggressive disorder

> >

> >THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

> >1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

> >2. Nope, no more beer for me.

> >3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

> >4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?

> >5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

",0] ); //--></script>4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products,aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

 

Liz

Joined
Feb 27, 2005
Messages
9,784
Reaction score
2
lol!

i haven't drank for such a long time. but i was never a really big alkie person to begin with. don't like the taste of it
the most drunk i've ever gotten was when we had a party at my old place and had some beer or something and like 10-12 shots! i started with taking chasers, towards the end, i was using only limes. the last few, i would bite the lime, but somewhat remember saying "what the hell do i need this for?!" and proceeded to throw the limes across the kitchen into the sink. the next day was NOT fun. lol

 

Latest posts

Top