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Would You Live Together Before Married?

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Hi Guys,

I need help...I need opinions, facts, Or examples if possible.

Yea i need to know how many of you will agree to live together b4 married, WHy? what makes you think better idea rather then benefits that u recieve like Married life...I want to know how much reliable?? and how much hurted??....If anybody have had experience living together....b4 married or get divorce after married (Living together) What are the some consideration changed?? I don't know just explain why should you think it would be better or worst idea to live together b4 married??

PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS FOR ME NOT JUST VOTE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Thanks in Advanced....


 
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I live with my BF right now... I think it that is a good idea for me because you get to know whether or not you can stand the person day in and day out. I'm with my bf practically 24-7 since we also go to school togehter. We're hardly apart. And while we may irritate each other or fight, we still love each other and want to be together. This tells me that we could get married AND stay together for the rest of our lives... cause we can stand so much of each other and, more importantly, still like and love each other!

You also learn the habits of the person. You hear stories about people that don't live together before getting married and when they do live with each other, their habits irritate each other. The little things can be really important sometimes.

The drawback for me is that when we fight and I want to leave, it's not so easy to just go back to my parent's house since all my stuff is here. So then I gotta pack some stuff just to leave for the night!

I think it's beneficial for me since it's like practice marriage- you get to see how it would be and if you could stand to be around the person so much. Once you move in together, you learn so much about the other person that you would not have learned otherwise.

Ultimately, though, it will depend on the person and their value system.

Originally Posted by Miranhat Hi Guys,
I need help...I need opinions, facts, Or examples if possible.

Yea i need to know how many of you will agree to live together b4 married, WHy? what makes you think better idea rather then benefits that u recieve like Married life...I want to know how much reliable?? and how much hurted??....If anybody have had experience living together....b4 married or get divorce after married (Living together) What are the some consideration changed?? I don't know just explain why should you think it would be better or worst idea to live together b4 married??

Thanks in Advanced....


 
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Seiously I do honored what u have said but isn't also risk though...i find out so many results of child abuse, divorce rate is high....of living together..I don't know let see what other has to say...thank you fWongy for your informations...that will help me a lot...


Originally Posted by wongy74 I live with my BF right now... I think it that is a good idea for me because you get to know whether or not you can stand the person day in and day out. I'm with my bf practically 24-7 since we also go to school togehter. We're hardly apart. And while we may irritate each other or fight, we still love each other and want to be together. This tells me that we could get married AND stay together for the rest of our lives... cause we can stand so much of each other and, more importantly, still like and love each other!
You also learn the habits of the person. You hear stories about people that don't live together before getting married and when they do live with each other, their habits irritate each other. The little things can be really important sometimes.

The drawback for me is that when we fight and I want to leave, it's not so easy to just go back to my parent's house since all my stuff is here. So then I gotta pack some stuff just to leave for the night!

I think it's beneficial for me since it's like practice marriage- you get to see how it would be and if you could stand to be around the person so much. Once you move in together, you learn so much about the other person that you would not have learned otherwise.

Ultimately, though, it will depend on the person and their value system.

 
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I've never heard about child abuse and divorce rates being related to living together. But I have heard that people who live together may be less likely to get married cause it's already like you're married- the actual marriage is more like a formality of sorts unless it's necessary, like to get health insurance or the DH is in the armed forces.

Hope you get more points of view and ultimately get the answer you are looking for!


Originally Posted by Miranhat Seiously I do honored what u have said but isn't also risk though...i find out so many results of child abuse, divorce rate is high....of living together..I don't know let see what other has to say...thank you fWongy for your informations...that will help me a lot...
 
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Whoops! Forgot to say that they are less likely to get married because it's like they are married AND because many just end up breaking up. Like, they intend on getting married but put it off and then just end up breaking up before they ever really do get married. Not all, but it seems like many.

*edit* The fear of the conservatives is that without marriage, you break up much easier after living together; nothing "solid" really forces you to try and try at a relationship. Marriage binds you to a person- it's harder to file for divorce and leave than just moving out after breaking up if you're just living together.

Originally Posted by wongy74 I've never heard about child abuse and divorce rates being related to living together. But I have heard that people who live together may be less likely to get married cause it's already like you're married- the actual marriage is more like a formality of sorts unless it's necessary, like to get health insurance or the DH is in the armed forces.
Hope you get more points of view and ultimately get the answer you are looking for!


 
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Actually what i meant to say...after living together ppl end up being marriege life in that case there comes the situation of divorce and so forth if you have child involves in this matter...rather then that there are other abuses and high risk of divorce rate actually noted...

Originally Posted by wongy74 I've never heard about child abuse and divorce rates being related to living together. But I have heard that people who live together may be less likely to get married cause it's already like you're married- the actual marriage is more like a formality of sorts unless it's necessary, like to get health insurance or the DH is in the armed forces.
Hope you get more points of view and ultimately get the answer you are looking for!


 
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Although I still live at home - my boyfriend pretty much lives here. (and before we started staying here, I was pretty much living at his house) So technically we pretty much live together. Together everynight. I would definitely want to live with someone before marrying them... I agree with all of what Jess said. It's true... you truly don't know someone until you live with them. You can't really see subtle habits and traits unless you do - there are things that you won't know just by seeing a person on an off & on basis... I know some people will chose not to because of religious or personal beliefs... but if you have the opportunity - I would. I honestly think that NOT living together first leads more to divorce, because you think you know someone.. then you get married and live together, and there might be things you realize that you cannot stay around... and then get divorced. So, yes... I would.
 
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hmmm quite genarated....what if b4 married living together was a drama, after married you found out?? or would you consider marry him.? or i don't know let me stop...i actually doing a research paper so i told i will have a survey for negative and positive thought....if you can please help me out....

thanks

Originally Posted by NYAngel98 Although I still live at home - my boyfriend pretty much lives here. (and before we started staying here, I was pretty much living at his house) So technically we pretty much live together. Together everynight. I would definitely want to live with someone before marrying them... I agree with all of what Jess said. It's true... you truly don't know someone until you live with them. You can't really see subtle habits and traits unless you do - there are things that you won't know just by seeing a person on an off & on basis... I know some people will chose not to because of religious or personal beliefs... but if you have the opportunity - I would. I honestly think that NOT living together first leads more to divorce, because you think you know someone.. then you get married and live together, and there might be things you realize that you cannot stay around... and then get divorced. So, yes... I would.
 
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The only reason I could think of a child being abused due to a divorce is that parents started hating each other so much, that they are so frustrated and angry at life itself, they take it out on their children.

I don't see what living together before marriage has to do with divorce or child abuse. I would say that the increasing devorce rate is due to couples getting married too soon ( didn't know each other as well as they thought), and women becoming stronger, more independent, not wanting to live in a loveless marriage. Traditional or religious people have a problem with young couples living together and find it wrong on a moral level. If a couple strongly believes in their relationship, then nothing should stop them from getting married right away if they want to.

Wongy already said it perfectly! Living together before marriage gives you the chance to get to know a person in ways you could never imagine. To me, that is the same as when you first meet somebody and are hopelessly in love, nothing bothers you, he is just perfect. But after a couple months (or weeks
) you get to know him better and you don't feel the same way anymore. I am so going to live with somebody before I get married. (if I'm lucky). Once you are in a marriage, you are more likely to try to work things out or stick it out, where in a living together arrangement, you can just "break up" like with any bf, pack your things and leave. Minimal cost involved!


 
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Originally Posted by destiny To me, that is the same as when you first meet somebody and are hopelessly in love, nothing bothers you, he is just perfect. But after a couple months (or weeks
) you get to know him better and you don't feel the same way anymore. So true! Everyone is perfect in the beginning! You think they can do no wrong... then the hearts and butterflies die down and you see reality for what it is... and then you can decide from there whether its something you want.
 
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My husband and I did not live together before we got married, because we wanted to save sex for marriage (due to religious beliefs, which I could explain more but I'm not sure if that would be necessary). Thus if we lived together, even if we shared separate bedrooms, that would just be too much temptation.

Now if we had not saved sex for marriage, I'm sure we would have lived together to save money -- now that we're married we're saving much more money by paying rent on one apartment instead of two!


Anyways, I certainly do not think that living together is a requirement for marriage. My husband and I spent so much time together before we were married, almost nothing surprised us when we moved in together. What quirky habits that we did not see (such as how clean we each kept our apartments), we told each other -- he told me that he slept in his street clothes, I told him how long it takes me to get ready in the morning, things like that. I think the only thing I learned when I got married was that he likes to brush his teeth and shave naked right after he takes a shower.
And I can't think of anything he learned about me, but he probably learned a few equally silly things. We didn't even have to argue about chores -- when we were engaged, he cooked dinner and washed dishes every night while I studied. Now, he cooks and washes dishes during the school year (I cook on breaks), and I do the weekly cleaning like laundry and the bathroom since it's easier for me to fit those into my schedule. Granted, we have only been married for 7 months, but so far the only thing different between before the marriage and now is that now we can have sex.
Our relationship is otherwise still the same, we still communicate in the same ways, we don't fight any more or any less.... I really don't think that our marriage would be any better or any worse than if we had lived together first. But then again, due to our religious beliefs, we had faith that if God wanted us to get married, then he would make sure we were compatible! God wouldn't want us to marry someone that will make us miserable for most of our lives!

As for the statistics, I've never heard anything about child abuse, but I have heard that couples that live together first are more likely to get divorced. However, I have also heard that out of the couples who lived together with the intent to get married later, the divorce rate was the same as couples who did not live together. You could also argue that couples who do not live together are more likely to be religious and disapprove of divorce, so maybe those couples are living in unhappy marriages. And who is better off -- the couple that divorces (especially if they have children, divorce is almost always painful for the children), or the couple that live in an unhappy marriage? It's hard to say in general (although for a specific couple that you know personally, you might be able to decide).

Anyways those are just my random thoughts, you can take them or leave them.


 
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Originally Posted by girl_geek My husband and I did not live together before we got married, because we wanted to save sex for marriage (due to religious beliefs, which I could explain more but I'm not sure if that would be necessary). Thus if we lived together, even if we shared separate bedrooms, that would just be too much temptation.
Now if we had not saved sex for marriage, I'm sure we would have lived together to save money -- now that we're married we're saving much more money by paying rent on one apartment instead of two!


Anyways, I certainly do not think that living together is a requirement for marriage. My husband and I spent so much time together before we were married, almost nothing surprised us when we moved in together. What quirky habits that we did not see (such as how clean we each kept our apartments), we told each other -- he told me that he slept in his street clothes, I told him how long it takes me to get ready in the morning, things like that. I think the only thing I learned when I got married was that he likes to brush his teeth and shave naked right after he takes a shower.
And I can't think of anything he learned about me, but he probably learned a few equally silly things. Granted, we have only been married for 7 months, but so far the only thing different between before the marriage and now is that now we can have sex.
Our relationship is otherwise still the same, we still communicate in the same ways, we don't fight any more or any less.... I really don't think that our marriage would be any better or any worse than if we had lived together first. But then again, due to our religious beliefs, we had faith that if God wanted us to get married, then he would make sure we were compatible! God wouldn't want us to marry someone that will make us miserable for most of our lives!

As for the statistics, I've never heard anything about child abuse, but I have heard that couples that live together first are more likely to get divorced. However, I have also heard that out of the couples who lived together with the intent to get married later, the divorce rate was the same as couples who did not live together. You could also argue that couples who do not live together are more likely to be religious and disapprove of divorce, so maybe those couples are living in unhappy marriages. And who is better off -- the couple that divorces (especially if they have children, divorce is almost always painful for the children), or the couple that live in an unhappy marriage? It's hard to say in general (although for a specific couple that you know personally, you might be able to decide).

Anyways those are just my random thoughts, you can take them or leave them.


Wow! You must be a really strong willed person!

 
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Originally Posted by NYAngel98 Wow! You must be a really strong willed person!
You know, someone else commented on my strong will in the First Kiss thread, but maybe I should elaborate ... the only reason my husband and I were able to resist the temptation to fool around was because we asked God for the strength! It's hard to do it alone!
Plus we would have just felt guilty if we had had sex before marriage (due to our beliefs -- I'm not trying to say that everyone who has sex outside of marriage feels guilty) and it was wonderful being able to give ourselves fully to each other on the honeymoon, completely guilt free!


I know virgin brides are a minority now a days, but there are a few of us around! All of my closest girlfriends (who are now all engaged or married themselves) also saved sex for marriage for religious reasons, so I had some support too! I think most of my husband's friends are also Christians and are also waiting for marriage. But then again, we both went to Christian undergraduate colleges, so it's no surprise that most of our friends share our beliefs!

 
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Originally Posted by girl_geek You know, someone else commented on my strong will in the First Kiss thread, but maybe I should elaborate ... the only reason my husband and I were able to resist the temptation to fool around was because we asked God for the strength! It's hard to do it alone!
Plus we would have just felt guilty if we had had sex before marriage (due to our beliefs -- I'm not trying to say that everyone who has sex outside of marriage feels guilty) and it was wonderful being able to give ourselves fully to each other on the honeymoon, completely guilt free!

I know virgin brides are a minority now a days, but there are a few of us around! All of my closest girlfriends (who are now all engaged or married themselves) also saved sex for marriage for religious reasons, so I had some support too! I think most of my husband's friends are also Christians and are also waiting for marriage. But then again, we both went to Christian undergraduate colleges, so it's no surprise that most of our friends share our beliefs!

Well it's cool that you at least had a support group before you got married!

 
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I started dating my now husband as a junior in highschool. We dated several years before moving in together. We were together 8 years before getting married. We have now been married for 10 1/2 years! I absolutely believe you should live together before getting married. It's like trying on a pair of pants before you buy them LOL. Seriously thou I think it gives you both time to be with each other and be sure you want to move on to the next step of marriage.
 
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I agree with everything girl_geek said. I don't think it's *necessary* to live together before marriage. I knew my BF so well that once we got married, there wasn't anything that was too surprising or shocking to deal with. Plus, moving in together after marriage made it more special IMO and something new for us. To me, getting married after living together would make the wedding/marriage seem less special or not that big of a new beginning or something. When I got married, I was really looking forward to the big life change and newness it would all bring.


I don't know, I just remember driving to our hotel on our wedding night and how we looked at each other and giggled, and I kept saying, "You're my HUSBAND! I am your WIFE!" It was all so trippy and unreal. It was fun.
This was 8 years ago, btw, and we're still going strong, so you *can* make a marriage work -- even if you don't live together before doing so! LOL


Anyway.. long story short, lol.. (too late for that, huh?!)


I just want to be clear that I am saying this is how *I* feel, I know that plenty of others (including some girls here!) do not feel the same way, and that's cool. I'm glad that you are happy in your situation!
I will stop rambling now!


Originally Posted by girl_geek My husband and I did not live together before we got married, because we wanted to save sex for marriage (due to religious beliefs, which I could explain more but I'm not sure if that would be necessary). Thus if we lived together, even if we shared separate bedrooms, that would just be too much temptation.
Now if we had not saved sex for marriage, I'm sure we would have lived together to save money -- now that we're married we're saving much more money by paying rent on one apartment instead of two!


Anyways, I certainly do not think that living together is a requirement for marriage. My husband and I spent so much time together before we were married, almost nothing surprised us when we moved in together. What quirky habits that we did not see (such as how clean we each kept our apartments), we told each other -- he told me that he slept in his street clothes, I told him how long it takes me to get ready in the morning, things like that. I think the only thing I learned when I got married was that he likes to brush his teeth and shave naked right after he takes a shower.
And I can't think of anything he learned about me, but he probably learned a few equally silly things. We didn't even have to argue about chores -- when we were engaged, he cooked dinner and washed dishes every night while I studied. Now, he cooks and washes dishes during the school year (I cook on breaks), and I do the weekly cleaning like laundry and the bathroom since it's easier for me to fit those into my schedule. Granted, we have only been married for 7 months, but so far the only thing different between before the marriage and now is that now we can have sex.
Our relationship is otherwise still the same, we still communicate in the same ways, we don't fight any more or any less.... I really don't think that our marriage would be any better or any worse than if we had lived together first. But then again, due to our religious beliefs, we had faith that if God wanted us to get married, then he would make sure we were compatible! God wouldn't want us to marry someone that will make us miserable for most of our lives!

As for the statistics, I've never heard anything about child abuse, but I have heard that couples that live together first are more likely to get divorced. However, I have also heard that out of the couples who lived together with the intent to get married later, the divorce rate was the same as couples who did not live together. You could also argue that couples who do not live together are more likely to be religious and disapprove of divorce, so maybe those couples are living in unhappy marriages. And who is better off -- the couple that divorces (especially if they have children, divorce is almost always painful for the children), or the couple that live in an unhappy marriage? It's hard to say in general (although for a specific couple that you know personally, you might be able to decide).

Anyways those are just my random thoughts, you can take them or leave them.


 
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Originally Posted by melzie_fire I agree with everything girl_geek said. I don't think it's *necessary* to live together before marriage. I knew my BF so well that once we got married, there wasn't anything that was too surprising or shocking to deal with. Plus, moving in together after marriage made it more special IMO and something new for us. To me, getting married after living together would make the wedding/marriage seem less special or not that big of a new beginning or something. When I got married, I was really looking forward to the big life change and newness it would all bring.

I don't know, I just remember driving to our hotel on our wedding night and how we looked at each other and giggled, and I kept saying, "You're my HUSBAND! I am your WIFE!" It was all so trippy and unreal. It was fun.
This was 8 years ago, btw, and we're still going strong, so you *can* make a marriage work -- even if you don't live together before doing so! LOL


Anyway.. long story short, lol.. (too late for that, huh?!)


I just want to be clear that I am saying this is how *I* feel, I know that plenty of others (including some girls here!) do not feel the same way, and that's cool. I'm glad that you are happy in your situation!
I will stop rambling now!


I could see how it would make a wedding feel more special... but I think that no matter whether you live together or not prior... your wedding is still special regardless, and even if you did live together - you're married now and it is a new life
But I can see your points.
Glad to see ya Melzie! How are you!

 
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I'm good, how are you? Thanks for asking, btw!
I'm also just sitting here realizing that I am an emoticon junkie, after counting, what, six smilies in that message of mine! LOL!

OK, I am fighting putting another smilie right now..must..not...put....laughing....guy.... ack! I can't help myself, I must do it!!!
Whew, I feel better now...


Originally Posted by NYAngel98 I could see how it would make a wedding feel more special... but I think that no matter whether you live together or not prior... your wedding is still special regardless, and even if you did live together - you're married now and it is a new life
But I can see your points.
Glad to see ya Melzie! How are you!
 
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Originally Posted by melzie_fire I'm good, how are you? Thanks for asking, btw!
I'm also just sitting here realizing that I am an emoticon junkie, after counting, what, six smilies in that message of mine! LOL!
OK, I am fighting putting another smilie right now..must..not...put....laughing....guy.... ack! I can't help myself, I must do it!!!
Whew, I feel better now...


You would go crazy with the 'super smilies' then! (www.smileycentral.com)

 
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Originally Posted by Loki Hi, actually this is my first post. I come from an extremely religious family (fundamentalist Christian) and dated my husband for five years before we got married (engaged for three). When he graduated from college, I still had a year or two to go (double major, co-op, etc.). We got married when I was 22 and he was 24. Within three years, we were divorced. I would do anything to go back and live together before marriage, but I think we both felt REALLY pressured by our respective families not to "live in sin". I feel that if we had lived together before marriage, we would have never gotten married in the first place. And it's a lot easier to break up than it is to divorce. (He agrees, by the way. We're still friends.) I dunno, to each their own - but I would NEVER marry again without living together first. Thanks for joining us Loki! Welcome to makeuptalk! I'm Janelle, from NY - glad to have you as a new member!
If you have any questions or need help, just PM a Mod! Enjoy!

 

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